1.9

Things really didn't get any better after I gave Mulberry the "happy" news. He constantly ignored me, even if we were in the same room. Most of the time he wouldn't even sleep in the bed with me. My heart felt injured and hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. Orchid, Lily, and Rosee checked in on me almost daily, and I found myself lying and telling them I was okay. I guess saying it out loud just made it more real.

My doctor said my stress levels were too high, I wasn't eating like I should, I wasn't gaining a normal amount of weight. I tried my best to keep myself calm by taking baths and meditating, but nothing seemed to work. How could I be happy when the man who was supposed to love me didn't want our future child?

I was getting so tired of being ignored and rejected. I felt like everything was falling apart all around me and all I could do was sit and watch.

I suppose the reason I stopped him on his way to the garage was because I was desperate. I'd tried talking to him, but he just stepped around me and ignored me. This time I placed myself where if he wanted to get around me, he would have to physically move me. Mulberry had never done anything to suggest he would physically harm me, that's why I wasn't scared to attempt this.

"Listen, Mulberry, we've really got to talk..."

He just stared blankly at my shoulder. He'd been acting so strange, almost like he wasn't there anymore. He seemed to be fighting some battle that only he knew about. Everything in his head was a mystery to me. I didn't know much about his childhood, he said he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. Sometimes I wondered if I knew more about his childhood, I could figure out why all of this was happening.

I tried to smile at him, "Please talk to me, Mulberry, please tell me why you're doing this to me! It isn't all my fault, you know!" My voice was really high pitched, desperate. All I wanted was for things to be normal.

"Just drop it, Moon." His voice was distant, he still wasn't looking at me. 

"How can I just drop it?! Mulberry this isn't something that's going away!" He didn't respond, he just stood there dully, staring into space. "I'm so worried about you!"

These words seemed to pull him from his reverie, but when he looked at me, it wasn't with the emotion that I was hoping. His face was contorted with rage. I didn't understand what I had done wrong.

“Look, Moon, I don’t need you to be worried about me!”

I threw up my hands defensively, my heart dropping. All I wanted to know was why he was behaving like this. Why was everything so bad all of a sudden? I frowned, but I wasn’t going to back down this time like I always did. I was determined to know why he was treating me like this.

“I know something is wrong, just tell me!” I wasn’t normally one for yelling, but my voice was definitely a lot louder than it normally was. This wasn’t fair, I shouldn’t have to be going through this. A quick look at Mulberry’s face told me I’d made the wrong decision in yelling back.

 An angry frown pulled at his features, and he took a step back from me. I cringed. I hated this, I hated fighting. Why couldn't things be happy?

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to hear about how all of this is my fault and about how much you're worried about me! Please, just drop and leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with that!" He gestured toward my stomach, and my heart hurt even more.

My shoulders slumped, and I closed my eyes against the burning sting of tears. His words rang in my ears, and when I opened my eyes again he was still staring at me. I pushed past him and ran up the stairs. This was like a horrible nightmare that I would never wake up from.

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A few months later, we converted the smallest room upstairs into a nursery. Mulberry was detached, and the only reason he helped was because my friends and dad were there. I guess he didn't want anyone to know either.

I really loved the nursery. It was small and simple, but it was also cozy.

Once everyone had left, Mulberry stood in the room and looked around for awhile. After our fight, he avoided me even more, and he seemed more distant than ever. It was so frustrating and heartbreaking. I watched as his eyes fell on the crib, he grunted and left the room.

I curled up in the chair in the corner. I didn't cry anymore, I suffered in silence. No one could ever know. I would raise the baby the best I could, try to keep it happy and be the best mom in the world. I had to make up for Mulberry.

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 I was eight and half months along, and at home alone like usual. Mulberry stayed gone most of the time now, even though my doctor told me I shouldn't be alone anymore. High stress levels had caused the risk of my pregnancy to raise through the roof, not to mention that the baby was a pound underweight.. Which only caused me to feel even more stressed. I tried to eat as much as I couldn't, but the food felt dry in my mouth.

Just as I set the ingredients down on the counter, horrible pains started ripping across my abdomen. I'd felt slightly uncomfortable all day, but I couldn't really ask Mulberry to stay. Maybe I could, and maybe he would have, but I just didn't want another fight. I felt water running down my legs, the pains were so bad I could barely think straight. I stumbled backward.

I leaned against the counters, my breathing was heavy. This shouldn't be happening, everything was going black. Nothing was making sense...

1.8

Things were going really well for Mulberry and I. I’d settled into my new home well, though it was much larger and nicer than the home I’d grown used to with Orchid the past few years. I bought some more seeds and got started on my garden again. I could have moved all the plants, but Orchid wanted to keep them, so I didn’t mind starting fresh. Now that I knew more about gardening, I could plant more advanced seeds.

 Mulberry is also an outdoorsy type, and he spends his days fishing while I tend to my garden and do whatever else. He normally catches a lot of fish and sells them to the local science facility. I don’t like to think about what might be happening to those poor creatures, but I can’t argue with the amount they pay for them.

 I make dinner before Mulberry gets home. I know it seems a little “sexist” that I’m the one making dinner and stuff, but I really don’t mind and he never told me that I had to. I just like to do nice things for him.

Mulberry and I eat dinner together every night and tell each other about our day. It’s so nice. My relationship with him is so different from the relationships that I grew up seeing. My dad and Blush only interacted when they were groping each other, and Orchid always fought with her boyfriends. It’s nice to have such a peaceful and happy relationship.

 We normally end the day by cuddling up and watching TV, or uhm… Doing things of a more “intimate” nature. Yeah, I still get really nervous and stuff but he always helps me through everything and I’m starting to become more comfortable with that stuff.

 Lately, though, I’ve been feeling really sick. I get sick in the morning, at night, in the middle of the day, when I’m asleep.. It doesn’t seem to have a set pattern, and it never lasts for long. I could feel Mulberry’s eyes on the back of my head when I jumped up from the couch feeling sick yet again.

“Are you alright?” His voice was laced with concern and…. Dread? I didn’t really have time to linger on it because I was busy high-tailing it to the bathroom.

 In my life, puking has always been something I’ve avoided like the plague. I seriously cannot stand to throw-up, and I can usually do things to prevent it… But this sickness is unlike any I’ve ever felt before.

When I’d finished disposing of dinner, Mulberry was no longer in the living-room. I found him in the bedroom, and settled down  next to him.

“Feel better?” He questioned, I could tell he wanted to sound like it was no big deal, but the fear in his voice betrayed them.

“Yeah, dear, I’m just fine. I’ve been thinking…” I trailed off. I really hadn’t planned on starting a family so soon, but well, sometimes things don’t go according to your plans.

“Go on.” There was definitely something wrong with him, he was never this short with me.

“What if I’m pregnant?” Secretly, I was sort of excited. I’d never exactly been overly excited about becoming a mother, and the birthing process was awful, but for some reason the idea was growing on me. I looked over at him, and watched as a frown tugged at his lips.

 “Moon, I really wouldn’t like that at all.. It’s a little too soon and uh… I dunno, you probably just have a stomach bug or something…” I felt my heart drop. I never wanted him to lie to me, but he could have chosen his words a little better. After all, it wasn’t just my fault.

 An awkward silence passed between us before I finally said, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

 A week later, the illness was still very persistent and maybe it was my imagination, but my stomach looked a little poochy.  Could women even show when they were only a month along, if I was even pregnant? I’d done my best to hide any puking from Mulberry. He’d been very sullen since our conversation, and the idea of being pregnant was a lot less favorable to me when my husband was so against it.

 In any case, one day while he was out fishing I dropped by the store and picked up a pregnancy test. It shouldn’t take a genius to guess what the results were, and I really wished I could feel happier about it… But the only thing I could feel was the dread of the conversation Mulberry and I would have to have when he got home.

 Not really knowing what else to do, I picked up my phone and called Orchid. Since I moved out, we didn’t see each other as often as I would like, but we were hardly distant at all. We texted each other every day.

“Orchid, is there any way you can come over today?” I tried to keep my voice calm, but even I could hear it shaking.

“Of course I can, we’ll talk about it when I get there.” I smiled despite myself. Orchid always seemed to know everything.

 I made my way downstairs and sat on the couch. My hands felt clammy, and my stomach was growling. I knew I should eat, for the baby’s sake, but it wasn’t like I could keep it down anyway.

 When Orchid arrived, she quickly pulled me into a hug. Orchid and I had been friends for so long it wouldn’t surprise me if she’d known something was wrong even before I called. I leaned into her, happy to have someone to confide in, someone who would be there for me.

“So what’s wrong?” She questioned, pulling herself away from me.

“Well…” I smiled despite myself, somehow it just slipped onto my face, “I’m pregnant.”

Her smile was so big that it made me feel a little sick, why couldn’t my husband feel that way?

“That’s great, Moony! Oh, I’m so excited!” I tried to smile at her, but it came out as a grimace. Her smile faltered a bit as well. “What?”

 “It’s so horrible!” I exclaimed, close to tears.  Orchid stepped back a bit, and the only explanation I could think of for the outburst were pregnancy hormones. “Mulberry doesn’t want a baby at all! We were talking about it the other night, and ever since he’s been all sulky and it’s so hard to take…”

Her eyes instantly filled with sympathy, “Oh, Moony, didn’t you know he didn’t want children before you married him?”

I glared at her a bit, “He never said anything of the sort! We’ve talked about it before, and he let on like it was a good idea, but now that I am pregnant I know he doesn’t want it.”

She was clearly at a loss for words, “Moony…. I…. Maybe he’ll come around.”

Her comfort was weak, but at least she was trying. I shrugged a bit.

“Try not to worry about it until you tell him. Let me feel that belly!” She laughed, clearly trying to lighten the mood.

 “I really don’t have a bump or anything..” I muttered, but I still allowed her to place a hand on my stomach. Okay, maybe I lied a bit, I do have a miniscule bump. Honestly, people probably wouldn’t notice even if I was naked  or something, but I noticed it… And I took precautions to hide it from Mulberry. That way he wouldn’t know until I was ready to tell him.

“Do you wanna stay for dinner?” I questioned. I honestly just didn’t want her to leave until after I’d told him.

She looked up at me, “Sure, but I’m not gonna be here when you tell him. If things get out of hand – which I doubt they will -, I will come and get you in a heartbeat. But I really don’t think my presence will help the situation.” I frowned at her, but I knew she would stand beside her decision.

 When Mulberry got home, I caught him at the door and pulled him into a kiss. I guess I sort of wanted to butter him up a bit. Maybe if he realized how much he loved me, the thought of having a baby wouldn’t seem so bad.

 “Someone’s feeling better.” He smiled at me for the first time in over a week, and the hope that flashed in his eyes caused me to feel more disappointed than ever.

“I guess. Orchid is here for dinner.” I turned away from him without another word, feeling angry.

 Dinner went  really well, Orchid and Mulberry got along great, and the conversation flowed easily. Unfortunately, I couldn’t feel happy. All I could feel was anger, disappointment, sadness, and dread. Is that really how a married woman should feel about being pregnant?

 After dinner, Orchid left, and it was time for me to make the revelation. My heart hammered in my chest as I walked up to him, stopping him on his way to the TV.

“Hey, we gotta talk.” I was still feeling angry from earlier, but right now I was so nervous I barely noticed it.

“Yeah?” His response was so casual it made me want to punch him, though I’m not sure why. This obviously wasn’t a catastrophic event for him yet.

“I took  a pregnancy test, it was positive.” I watched his face closely, he said nothing for several minutes.

Finally, he just frowned and looked away from me. His eyes were in a distant place, he was clearly remembering something.

“How could I let this happen?” The words were mumbled, I’m not even sure he knew he said them. I stood, feeling shock pulse through my body. I stared at him for a long time, but he never seemed to notice.

 “I guess I’ll make an appointment at the doctor to confirm everything..” My voice was low, I felt sadder than I had in a long time.

“Yeah…” His voice was clearer now, but when he looked at me it was with apprehension, it wasn’t the warm look I was used to. For the first time in many years, I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“I’m so sorry, Moon.” His voice cracked a little, and he turned away from me, walking into the garage. When the door closed behind him, more tears spilled out of my eyes. I don’t know if it was because I’d held them back for so long, or because of the horrible pain that stabbed my heart, but soon I was sobbing so hard I could barely breath. I sank down to the floor, unsure of what my next move should be.

1.7

“Please, please, please, please, please, Moony, please!”

I sighed and placed my hands on hips, regarding my friend coolly. It had been about six months since Mulberry proposed to me, and my wedding was in two days. I was a nervous wreck, even though Orchid had taken care of just about everything for me.

“I keep telling you, Orchid, I don’t want a bachelorette party.” I stared at her, you can only say the same thing over and over again so many times before it starts to get redundant.

“Yes you do! Come onn! Pleasee!” I placed a hand on my forehead, I knew the only way out was to agree. Because even if I held out and didn’t have one, I would be hearing about it for the rest of my life.

“Okay,” I finally agreed, “But no party dancers!”

 Orchid giggled and pushed me playfully,”Come on, you know you want a sexy man there!”

I laughed with her, “Not entirely, half-naked strange men aren’t really my cup of tea.”

She just waved her hand in response, laughing some more.

I stood silently as she whipped out her phone and planned the party for tomorrow night. From the way she was talking, she’d been telling people I was going to have one for months now. I rolled my eyes, but said nothing. That was just how Orchid was. The thought of staying out all night partying the night before my wedding made me a bit nervous, but I knew Orchid would take care of me.

 When she got off the phone, she turned to me. Her look was so serious that it made me a little nervous. We were best friends, and she’d wasted no time in telling me she didn’t think I should be getting married. I really didn’t want to have that talk again.

“Moon, I think you should send your dad and invite. You don’t have to invite Blush or Mocha, but this might be a  good chance for the two of you to make up.” Her words caught me off guard, send my dad an invite? I chewed on my bottom lip.

 “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I questioned. My father and I hadn’t spoken for years, was it really okay for me to just invite him to a wedding he probably knew nothing about?

“Moon, I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t. You will regret it if you don’t invite him.” I sighed, I knew she was right. I regretted not talking to him all the time.

“Okay, we’ll send him an invite… I just hope he shows up.”

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 The next night, the party was in full swing at the Snapply Apply. Everyone was spraying fizzy nectar, dancing, drinking, and generally making fools of the themselves. I’d had a few drinks, but I really didn’t want to get berry-faced.

 When I came out of the bathroom, I came out to Choco Cake getting his dance on. I couldn’t help but be a little annoyed, I’d specifically said no dancers!

 I completely ignored him and made my way over to the bar. I was glad when he didn’t single me out as the bride, because then I would have had to have been pretty rude.

 In any case, he left before too long and my bad mood evaporated as I sprayed Orchid with nectar. I was glad that I agreed to have a party, I was having a lot of fun.

 Of course, not every berry can hold their liquor and before too long Boo was a blubbering mess. I tried to get her to go home, but she wouldn’t.

 But Boo’s mood definitely didn’t dampen anyone else’s.

 No, it didn’t dampen the mood at all.

 Of course, at one point during the night, Orchid called everyone together and made a toast to mine and Mulberry’s wedding. Everyone listened, but I was sure no one would even remember it.

 Toward the end of the night, I was pretty tipsy and I led the way to the dance-floor.

 But when I started falling down, Orchid gathered me up and took me home.

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 The  next morning when I woke up, I was grateful that I didn’t have a hangover. Orchid shoved a couple pancakes down my throat and took over the bathroom so she could get ready. I’d decided I would be doing my own hair and makeup. I’ve been around Blush enough to know my way around that stuff, even if I don’t put the knowledge to use most of the time.

 When I changed into my wedding dress, I wish I could say I felt beautiful.. But that would be a lie. I never felt beautiful, and even now I was thinking about how much better someone else would look in the dress. I sucked in my stomach as much as I could, and regretted eating the pancakes. Orchid always told me I was silly for not liking my body. Everyone did. “You’re so skinny, I would give anything to be that little!” But I hated it, I wasn’t even that skinny.

 I pushed my reservations to the back of my mind and got to work on my hair and makeup. It was already two, and the wedding was at six. I certainly couldn’t be late for my own wedding. My dad hadn’t responded to the invitation, maybe it was too short notice.. Maybe he just didn’t want to come.

 When we arrived at the venue, the first person I saw was my  dad. I ran up to him, and we stood across from each other awkwardly. What was there to say?

“Daddy, I…” I trailed off, and looked at him hopelessly.

“I’m sorry Moon, I’m sorry for being such a horrible father to you. You didn’t deserve it. I never should have chosen Blush over you, but now that you know what love is.. Surely you can understand a little.” His voice  was pleading, I knew he really did feel bad.

“It’s okay, Daddy, I’m just glad you came.” What else was there to day, really? I could blabber on and on, but there was no point. I’d said what needed to be said.

 He smiled at me, and pulled me into a hug. I held on to him the way I used to when I was little girl, it felt so good to have my dad back.

“Of course I would come, I would never miss my daughter’s big day. You look so beautiful.” A silent tear tolled down my cheek. Beautiful. I looked beautiful.

 Thirty minutes later, everyone was sitting down and Mulberry and I were saying our vows. He grabbed my hand gently, and slid the ring over my finger.

“Moon, where do I even begin? Everyone knows I’m not the best berry around, I’ve never been kind to my girlfriends. I’m sure that none of your friends want you to marry me, but I’m here today to tell you -and them- that I would never harm you in any way. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else, you bring out the best in me. I want to spend the rest of my life getting to know you, and going to sleep with you every night. We’ll support each other through thick and thin, and I’ll never hurt you or leave you.”

I grinned happily at him. I suppose this was where I was supposed to start crying, but I’m not big on that. His words were touching, and they made me happy from my nose to my toes. Why would I cry about that?

 He grinned back at me, and it was my turn to grab his hand and push the ring over his finger.

“Mulberry, I’m really worse at this kind of stuff than you are. You are my first love, my first kiss, you make my heart beat each day. I decided to take a chance with you, and you’ve never made me regret it. All of the time I’ve been with you, you’ve been patient and understanding. I can’t wait to have a family with you, and live the rest of our lives in peaceful happiness.”

 He pulled me in close and kissed me. People in the crowd were sniffling, but I barely heard them. Right now, there were only two berries in the world, me and Mulberry.

It was getting late when everyone started to make their way from the wedding gazebo to the party gazebo. Mulberry and I enjoyed a nice meal together before everyone got over there. I felt butterflies in my stomach at what would happen next..  The wedding night, well, everyone knows what happens on the wedding night.

 By the time Mulberry and I finally made it his -no, our- house, I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was take this itchy dress off and go to sleep. When we made it to the door, Mulberry picked me up and carried me over the threshold, as tradition dictates. I giggled when he dropped me on the other side and started ushering me up the stairs.

When we made it to the bedroom, I crawled stiffly onto the bed. Mulberry crawled on the bed after me and cuddled up to me. By this point, I was shaking. I was terrified, why did this have to be a part of life? Couldn’t everyone just keep their things away from other people’s? And like, babies could actually be brought by the stork?

When Mulberry noticed I was scared -cause lets be honest, I wasn’t hiding it well- he backed off a bit and looked at me.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” He questioned.

“I-I’m just a little scared.” I admitted, staring at our entwined fingers.

“Hey, it’ll be alright, I promise. We’ll go really slow, and if you ever want to stop just tell me. I would never do anything to hurt you.” I mulled his words over in my head before nodding weakly.

 And true to his word, we took it slow. For a long time, we just kissed. And not the big, wet, make out kisses, but the little sweet ones. He kissed my neck, my shoulders, my lips, my cheeks, honestly it was nice.

 Gradually the kisses got bigger, and he moved on top of me. He took everything slow, just like he’d promised, always giving me time to stop him if I didn’t like it. First, we took off our shoes, then my gloves, then my necklace, then his shirt. When he unzipped the back of my dress, I froze. He immediately stopped and went back to kissing me.

 So, long story short, we did it. It wasn’t as bad as I thought, it was actually really sweet. It hurt a bit, but according to all my friends that’s normal. And when we were finished, I put on my sleeping clothes and he cuddled up close to me. I fell asleep feeling happy and safe, and unbeknownst to me or anyone, another life slept in the bed with us that night.