1.11

"Come on, sweetie, come to Mommy!" I coaxed Cosmic. Recently he'd shown interest in walking, and what kind of mother would I be if I didn't help him out? He was always pulling himself up on things, it was really cute but also a little scary. I didn't want him to hurt himself. He looked at me and I smiled encouragingly.

"Come on, Cos. You can do it." He gurgled at me, put his arms out and took a tentative step forward.

One step turned into two, and then three, and soon enough he was toddling toward me with a huge grin on his face. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as I watched him. Cosmic was the one thing in my life that kept me from wishing I had never met Mulberry. How could I wish him away, after all?

 I scooped him up in my arms and poked his nose with my finger.

"Who's Mommy's brave man?"

"'E! 'E!" He exclaimed happily. I grinned as he nuzzled into my shoulder. My phone began ringing, so I pulled it out of my pocket to see who it was. I couldn't keep the butterflies in my tummy from fluttering, or the loving smile from appearing on my face when I realized who was calling.

"Hey, Brink." I answered excitedly. It had been several months since we met up at the park that day, and well, our relationship didn't get any weaker.

"Hey, Moon, I just got off of work and I was wondering if you and Cos were up to meeting me at the park?" The sound of his voice caused a never-ending smile to grace my face. My stomach lurched with the excitement of meeting with him.

"Of course, I'll just pack Cos up and catch a cab. What park?"

"Uh, that one with the pond outside of town? I can't remember the name, but you know which one I'm talking about don't you?"

The grin dropped from my face a bit as I thought about it. The same park Mulberry and I met at when we became boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'll see you there."

 When we got off the phone, I looked down at Cosmic.

"Guess who that was?"

"BiBi?" He grinned at me and I nodded.

"That's right, BiBi, are you excited to see him?"

"Yaa!" I smiled. Cosmic loved Brink, he even got upset if he didn't see him on a regular basis. Brink really was the only 'father' figure in his life. Mulberry had never even spoken a word to him.

When we arrived at the park, Brink was already there. He walked up to us, placing a hand on my shoulder.

"How's it been?" He questioned. He was the only one who knew how bad things between Mulberry and I were, and well, it made me feel awful how much he worried about it. I forced a smile, and adjusted Cosmic on my hip.

"You shouldn't worry so much, Brink. It's been about the same, I mean, it isn't fun at all.. But he never just screams at me or hits me or anything. He just ignores me." I couldn't really keep the sadness from my voice when I talked about it. Though my love for Mulberry had died long ago, the hurt and heartache from it had never really gone away. I was sure it would with time. When I finally left. I knew it was inevitable, but I  just stayed around and prayed to Berry that he would develop some sort of relationship with Cosmic.

"If you say so, Moon. I keep telling you that you can move in. You and Cos can have Lil and Rose's old room. Mom would love Cos, and I'm sure Dad would too. They really wouldn't mind." It was the same argument he made every time, and every time I had it was harder for me to say no. I frowned and looked at my feet.

"I really couldn't do that to Whisper and Kobi. I mean, they're wonderful berries, I'm sure they wouldn't mind. But I don't want to burden them." He shook his head.

"I keep telling you that you wouldn't be a burden, but I don't want to make you. You could still move in with Orchid, Lil, Rose, your Dad. But I guess you don't want to be a burden  to them, either?" He raised an eyebrow at me. He knew that I was just using an excuse, that I hadn't told him my real reason. I shrugged and he smiled.

"Lets sit down, then." I nodded and we made our way over to a bench.

We sat down on the bench, and Brink placed his arm around my shoulders. I snuggled into him. It was just so nice to feel cared for. I don't know if he realized just how much little things like this meant to me. Brink and I were adults. We didn't hide the fact that we both would like the relationship to be more than it currently was. We talked about it, we didn't hold our feelings in.. But we were never really overly romantic. Sure, we hugged, we cuddled, but it never went further than that. Even if Mulberry was the biggest berryhole on the planet, it was still wrong to cheat. That's what I told myself, anyway. But every time I saw Brink... Being faithful became so much harder. I knew that all it would take was Brink making the first move, and I wouldn't fight back. I couldn't fight back, fighting my feelings wasn't really worth it anymore.

 I watched Cosmic as he played with his bunny on the ground. The bunny had been a present from Brink, a few months ago. It's name was "Bunna", which I believe was Cosmic just trying to pronounce "Bunny". He never went anywhere without Bunna, though. He never slept, and most of the time he would refuse to eat unless I put Bunna in a kitchen chair and pretended to feed her too. It was really quite precious. I continued to watch my baby, not really noticing much else. He was so sweet and quiet and...

"Hey, Moon." I turned my head to look at Brink, and then... It just happened.

Our lips met, whatever Brink was going to say was lost. The kiss was small, soft, sweet, and short. I pulled away from it quickly, feeling guilty. I didn't know if I wanted to smile or cry. What should I do? What could anyone really expect me to do?

"I'm sorry, that just..." Brink pulled my attention back to him, and in that moment I knew. I knew it was time for a decision. I closed my eyes briefly, took a breath, and then looked at him. I moved forward and pressed my lips against his again. This kiss was still short, but it was firmer, more sure.

"I'm not." The two words, they were so small, but I'd learned something from all the experiences in my life. It only takes one word to change someone's life. Brink's smile was huge, and it was all I needed to know that I had made the right choice.

When it came time for us to part, well, my heart ached. I didn't want to leave Brink and go back to the house where all of my suffering had taken place. I didn't want to reminded every minute that my husband loved neither me nor my child. Brink pulled me toward him and placed a kiss on my forehead. I looked up at him and smiled a bit.

"Whenever you're ready, Moon, my door is always open." I nodded sadly and watched as he walked over to Cosmic, scooping him off the ground and kissing his forehead too. It was so strange to watch him, to be around him, after living with Mulberry for the past two years.

When I arrived home that evening, I walked through the front door and placed Cosmic on the ground. Mulberry was already home, sitting on the couch, and watching TV as usual. He turned his gaze on Cosmic and I for a fraction of a second before returning it to the TV. I placed Bunna on the ground next to Cosmic.

"You and Bunna play while I make you something to eat, okay baby?" He grinned and nodded, and I walked toward the kitchen.

Once I'd finished preparing his meal, I walked out of the kitchen to see him reaching up at Mulberry. I stopped dead in my tracks and watched. Maybe this was what would finally make Mulberry realize that he wanted to be a part of his son's life?

"Aaaa?" Mulberry looked down at him, and to me it all seemed to happen in slow motion. Mulberry stood up, throwing Cosmic off balance.

Cosmic fell to be ground and began to whine loudly, Mulberry looked down at him. My hands clenched, and I felt rage building in my stomach. Was I overreacting? Was I too angry? Mulberry hadn't really meant for Cosmic to fall down, at least I didn't think so. I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm myself. Cosmic was still whining, only adding to my anger. I stalked over to the couch and picked him up off the ground. I tried to comfort him a bit, but I was just too mad. I tried to fight it, I didn't want to argue in front of Cosmic, but Mulberry wasn't even apologizing. I started shaking, and when I opened my mouth to take a breath, my built up rage started pouring out.

"What the absolute berry, Mulberry?" My voice was shakily low, it was taking all of my self control just to not scream.

"Oh calm down, Moon. It isn't a big deal, he isn't hurt." His voice was infuriatingly calm.

"Is that so? I guess you wouldn't care if he was hurt, though, would you? You are an ass." I still wasn't screaming, but berry if Cosmic hadn't been in my arms.

"What exactly is it that you want from me, Moon? An apology? Fine! I'm sorry!" Cosmic was squirming in my arms by now, his bottom lip poking out. I wanted to do what a good mother would, drop it, go upstairs.. But two years of pent up frustration and hurt were all coming out at once and all I could do was stroke his hair a bit before retaliating.

"Don't even waste your breath apologizing if you don't mean it, Mulberry! Do you know what?"

"What?!" He screamed, causing Cosmic to whine loudly and begin to cry.

"I am fudging done with you! We're over, I'm filing for a divorce as soon as I can. And don't you worry about a thing, I've got a place to stay." I was breathing loudly, a few tears streaming down my face.

He looked away from me with a frown, placing a hand on his forehead.

"I-I, Moon, no... I'm sorry, please don't do that." When he looked at me, I almost broke down and agreed to stay. His eyes were so sad and broken, I hadn't expected the news to upset him at all.

"We can work things out, you'll see."

"No."

He looked at me, his face a mixture of pain and anger.

"What do you mean, 'no'?"

I put my hand up to stop him from speaking anymore. My anger was gone, and tears were flowing freely down my face. Cosmic was sniffling quietly into my shoulder, and guilt at what I had just done with him in my arms washed over me in waves.

"I mean no, Mulberry. I have tried for two years to work things out, and do you know you always said to me? 'No'. Well, now you know how it feels." I turned on my heel and left the house.

I went to the first person I could think of's house. It was eight, not really late, but getting close to Cosmic's bedtime. That might be why he instantly looked worried when he answered the door. Or maybe it was because my face was wet with tears. Probably both.

"Oh my berry, Moon, what-what's wrong?" His face was filled with concern and caring, and I took a step forward, nuzzling my head into his shoulder. He put his arms around Cosmic and I, both of us were crying. I really wished I could stay strong for Cosmic, not cry in front of him.. But it was just too hard.

"Come inside." He said, pulling me toward the door.

As I followed him into the Foyer, I noticed Whisper was standing there. Understandably, she was curious as to who would be at her house at eight at night.

"My goodness." She murmured. I was sure I looked a mess, Cosmic was whiny because he hadn't be fed, and he was crying for Bunna.. Whom I had completely forgot. I sighed and looked at my feet.

"I'm sorry, Whisper, I don't want to disturb you."

"Nonsense." She walked over to us, "Now, why don't you give me that little guy while you compose yourself?" Her smile was nothing but genuine, and I felt more tears leak out of my eyes as I nodded and handed Cosmic to her.

It was amazing to watch him be instantly at ease with someone. She raised her hand up and tickled his belly.

"Is he hungry?" She questioned softly.

"Yeah, but you really don-" She shushed me and carried him into the kitchen. I felt Brink's fingers entwine with mine as he pulled me toward a door.

"Don't worry, Mom will take care of him, she loves babies." I nodded and followed him toward a door.

When we got into his room, I walked over to his bed and collapsed on it. I wasn't crying anymore, but I just felt so exhausted and guilty. I was a terrible mother, bringing my baby into the middle of a fight like that. I should have just picked him up and left.. But did I? Of course I didn't. I felt the bed sink in beside me, and Brink pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly. I sniffled again.

"What happened, Moon?" At his question, a  few more tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I'm such a terrible mother, Brink! I brought him right in the middle of everything!"

"Hey," his voice was stern, "Now, that isn't true and you know it. Sometimes things happen that are beyond your control. Did you and Mulberry get into a big fight?"

I dug my fingers into the back of his shirt at the memory of the fight. I'd always hated fighting, it always made me feel horrible.

"Yes, and it was so stupid. Cosmic was reaching up at Mulberry, and when Mulberry stood up Cosmic lost his balance and fell over. Mulberry didn't mean for him to fall, but when I saw it.. I just.. Lost it." I looked up at Brink, but there was nothing in his gaze other than love.

"After everything he's put you through, Moon, no one can blame you."

There were a few soft knocks on the door, and Whisper walked in.

"I got him fed, and he's pretty tired. I'm afraid we don't any cribs at the moment."

I jumped off of Brink and walked over to her. "That's fine, he can sleep in the bed with me."

She smiled and handed him to me when he reached for me. "I'm sure you're tired too. Just make yourself at home." She looked over me at Brink, who was still sitting on his bed. "Goodnight, son."

I watched as he grinned at her, "'Night Mom."

She turned and left the room. I stood with Cosmic in my arms, wondering where I would be sleeping. What would Whisper think if I slept in here?

"Come over here and lay down." I looked over at Brink, who was already laid down on the bed. I wanted to protest, but Cosmic was whining again and my eyes were just so heavy. Eventually I sighed and made my way over to the bed.

It took maybe five minutes for Cosmic to fall asleep, and I was gone not long after that too. With Brink snuggled up behind me and my baby safely in bed with me, I don't think I'd ever been so comfortable.

1.10

I woke up with a groan, and blinked my eyes a few times in confusion. My body ached from head to toe, the air smelled of disinfectant, and the bed under me was about as far from comfortable as you can get. Where was I? My vision was blurred, I laid still for a few moments with my eyes shut tight. What had happened? Suddenly, my hands jerked to my stomach that was no longer swollen. They baby! I'd had the baby! I forced myself up, and my eyes landed on the only other person in the room.

"What happened?" I demanded desperately.

He regarded me coldly for a few moments before responding, "You went into early labor due to stress and passed out in the kitchen. Luckily I was on my way home and found her only moments after you'd passed out. I called an ambulance."

I stared at him in disbelief for a few seconds, "W-What happened to the baby?"

"He's okay."

My head was swimming, I felt sick. How could I have let this happen? "I want to see him."

"The doctors said you aren't allowed out of bed for another week."

I glared at him. His voice was so calm, so detached, how couldn't he understand that I wanted to see our son? "Please, Mulberry, I-"

"Lay down, Moon. It'll be alright." His voice was soft, his gaze tender... But only for a moment. He looked away from me, and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do anything until a doctor or nurse came in.

I fell back onto the bed with a groan. The effort of sitting up had been too much, and I could feel my eyes closing. I didn't want to go to sleep, I wanted to stay awake and demand to see my son. I fought the exhaustion for a moment longer, before finally succumbing.

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Several weeks later, both Cosmic and I were released from the hospital with a clean bill of health. I'd been allowed to see him just about whenever I wanted in the hospital, but the freedom of being at home was delightful. Mulberry had had little to nothing to do with Cosmic.. Other than naming him. Yes, Cosmic Sky Whisper was a name I'd had nothing to do with. I wasn't complaining, it was a pretty name, it just surprised me that he would even do that. In any case, Cosmic was easily my world. I loved his snuggles, I loved watching his little hand grasp my finger. How Mulberry could ever not want this was beyond me.

I lifted his little face to mine and rubbed my nose against his.

"Welcome home, Cosmic." I murmured.

After I had laid him down, I sat on the arm of the chair in his room and watched him sleep. His rhythmic breaths filled the room, calming me. Mulberry had given me even less attention than Cosmic, which meant he hadn't said a word to me since I woke up in the hospital. He seemed to blame me for what happened during my pregnancy, when in truth if he had just been supportive things would have been fine. I didn't know why it had to be this way, I didn't know why he'd closed himself off, what I did know what that it wasn't fair to anyone... Especially Cosmic. Cosmic deserved a father. That thought strengthened my resolve, Mulberry was going to talk to me.

He came home late, as usual. I didn't know what he was doing when he was gone for so long, maybe I didn't want to know. In any case, I laid awake and waited for him to get ready for bed. Before he could get in the bed, I slipped out and wrapped my arms around him. Feeling his skin against mine for the first time in almost a year was... Nice. I breathed in his scent; Mulberry. I didn't smell anyone else on him. I felt a smile pull at the corners of my mouth, and tears form at the corners of my eyes. He stiffened at my touch, but I only held onto him harder.

"Please stop, it's not too late." My voice was barely a whisper, but even to me it sounded pleading. I only wanted a happy family, was that so much to ask for?

"Stop what?" His voice was gruff, he was still tense, but he didn't pull away from me.. That was all that mattered.

"Stop pushing me away," my voice was breaking, I pressed my face harder into his shoulder, I didn't want to cry. "Please, please can't we be happy? Like we were. I love you so much, Mulberry. I would give anything for us to be happy again."

I felt him relax, he pushed back against me a bit and I squeezed him. My heart soared, everything was going the way I'd wanted it so desperately to. Mulberry and I were going to be okay, he would apologize and things would slowly start to get better.. He pulled away from me gently and turned to face me, I smiled at him, but he didn't return my smile.

"No." My eyes widened, I took a step back in shock. I almost couldn't believe my ears, so I stood there staring at him like a fool for what felt like forever. He opened his mouth like he was going to say more, but in the end he just sighed angrily and shoved past me. I stood dumbfounded for a moment, before Cosmic's cries pulled me from my reverie. 'No'... Funny how one little word could destroy my world.

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 The next year passed in a whir, so quickly it felt like I had only blinked. Mulberry and I never spoke, and the love I'd felt for him was diminishing at an alarming rate. I no longer slept in the same bed as him, I preferred to sleep in one of the twin beds in the guest room. I wanted nothing to do with him, and slowly I began resenting him. Why I didn't leave was still a mystery for me. I no longer held out hope that things would get better, they wouldn't. Maybe I stayed because I wanted to keep the family together for Cosmic... Cosmic... It's amazing that he's already a year old. I threw him a party, but I only invited friends and family. I didn't see them a lot, so it felt nice. My father pulled me into a hug, it felt so good to feel cared for.

I took my little baby to the cake, my heart feeling heavy. Mulberry had refused to attend the party, though I told him about it. I wasn't surprised, but my heart ached for my son. Would he spend his whole life in a house never knowing his own father? Would I allow him to? I could move back in with my dad, Orchid, Lily, any of them. I could. But I didn't, why?

Brink, Rosee and Lily's brother, attended the party. Though I'd went to high school with him, I never really got to know  him. Well, that was a mistake. The two of us definitely hit it off right away. He was so funny, and likeable. Maybe if I hadn't been so shy around boys when I was young we would have been closer. We shared many of the same interests, and where my feelings for Mulberry had dwindled to little to nothing... I allowed myself to think the unthinkable, I knew what I wanted but.... There could be nothing between Brink and I.

"Hey, uh, I was thinking of taking Cosmic to the park tomorrow... You wanna come?" What was I thinking? Why would I even say that? I'd only know Brink a few short hours, but I also knew that the longer I knew him... The more difficult things would become. I knew the feelings that were growing inside me for him, I knew better than this.

"I'd love... If you're sure Mulberry wouldn't mind?" Oh, Mulberry, yes.. My husband...

"Yeah, I'm sure. He's really busy, so I'm sure he won't mind me inviting a friend." I smiled at Brink, and he returned my smile.

"Great, what time?" I stared at him for a minute.

"Oh, around ten." Suddenly, I was feeling guilty. I tried to tell myself that it was just a friendly outing.. But the fact that I had a crush on Brink made it much more than that.

After all of the party guests had left, I went upstairs to get Cosmic ready for bed. He normally got cranky pretty early.. He was definitely an early to bed, early to rise sorta guy.

As I stared into his sweet, innocent eyes I realized just how much he looked like me. He had his dad's hair color for sure, but his eyes were the same shape and color of mine. I grinned as he snuggled into my shoulder, holding him tight.

"My sweet, sweet baby." I murmured into his hair. I could feel him sagging, he was already falling asleep.

I moved over to the chair, cradling him against me. I watched as his little eyes closed, and a smile played on my lips. I didn't take my time with him for granted, I knew before I knew it he would be too big to fall asleep in Mommy's lap.

"My poor little Cosmic, what about your Daddy?"

He gurgled a bit, but was otherwise undisturbed by my outward musings.

The next day, Cosmic and I arrived a little earlier than ten at the park. I placed him on a bouncy ride, and watched him carefully as he pushed it back and forth, giggling uncontrollably.

"Alright, Cos, it's time to get off."

He folded his arms against his chest, poked his lip out, and turned away from me. I tried not to smile, he was so cute.

"Having a bit of trouble?" I jumped as Brink's voice sounded behind me.

I looked back at him for a moment, "Little Cos doesn't wanna stop riding."

He laughed, "Poor little guy."

When we finally coaxed Cosmic off the ride, the conversation flowed easily between us. Not since Mulberry had I met a guy who I felt so comfortable around. Brink was kind, funny, he was perfect really. Probably not the kind of guy who would be interested in a girl with a baby and husband problems. Suddenly, I felt guilty, and not just because I was seeing a man behind my husband's back. How could I even entertain ideas of bringing Brink into the middle of this?

 

He seemed to notice that something was off about me, "What's wrong?" The question was simple, but it had been so long since someone asked me it almost made me want to cry.

"Oh.. Its nothing.. I was just-"

"Aaaahhh!" I jumped at Cosmic's sudden outburst and looked at him. He was normally a quiet baby, but I guess anyone would get tired of being held constantly. I placed him gently in the grass and handed him a toy. Immediately a smile graced his lips. I turned back to face Brink, who clearly hadn't forgotten.

"Well?"

"I-I.." I  searched for the right words, what could I tell him that wasn't the truth but also wasn't a lie? I didn't think the truth would sound to pretty. 'Oh, nothing, I just feel guilty for seeing you not only because my husband doesn't know but also because my life is a piece of crap that I don't want to drag you into. Oh, you thought I just wanted to friends? Not really.' Yeah, that probably wouldn't go over to well.

"I don't know." I finally settled on a lie, but a simple one.

"Moon, if you don't want to tell me, just say so." Instantly I felt even more guilty and rude.

"Its not that! It's just so..."

He pulled me into a hug, and well, I didn't have the reaction I should have. I should have pushed him away, or made the hug really brief. I shouldn't have melted into his arms the way I did, I shouldn't have sought his comfort so desperately that I stayed in his arms way too long, I shouldn't have smiled, I shouldn't have felt as happy as I did that another man was holding me. Well.. There was a lot of stuff I shouldn't have done.

"You don't have to talk to me, Moon, just know that you can."

As we pulled apart, his hand ran down the length of my arm and found my hand. Once again, I should have pulled away.. I should have made it clear that this wasn't acceptable, but all I did was stare into his eyes and smile.

"I shouldn't like you the way I do." The words were simple, but the honesty of them lifted so much weight off of my chest that I could have flown. Brink nodded, he understood. He also understood that I definitely wasn't going to be pushing him away. I didn't know how I could feel this way about him so soon, but I guess it had been like that with Mulberry too. Maybe I just fall too fast.

Updates

I promise I haven't forgotten about the Whispers, but right now my attention is elsewhere.. With my legacy family the January's. They don't have much of a story or anything, but the Whispers' save file is still on my computer, and I'll load them up when I'm feeling creative with them (: Again, sorry for the wait.