1.5

Things have been going really well for me lately. My first harvest was coming in, and I was loving gardening more and more. Selling my fruits and vegetables brought in a bit of money, but they weren’t high quality enough to bring in a lot. It didn’t really matter, because Orchid was making really good money at The Coffeehouse and she never minded to pay all of the bills. She says that she knows I’ll get my garden going someday, and she can wait. She believes in me so much, and it makes me feel so guilty that I’ve been lying to her for the past seven months….

 Yeah,  seven months is a really long time to lie to you best friend. I used to feel guilty about it, but now it only got on my nerves. Mulberry had never done anything to harm me, he made me happy, but Orchid would never buy it. Just the other day she brought up Boo Splash again, and how much better she was doing without him. It was almost too much to take, which was why I wasn’t at home a lot anymore. Even if I couldn’t meet up with Mulberry, I still went somewhere to get away from it all. The lake where I first met him was my favorite place. Mulberry and I weren’t officially ‘dating’, but we were romantic enough around each other. I still wouldn’t kiss him, though. The thought of kissing him when he’s not my boyfriend makes me nervous and guilty.

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 “Mulberry!” I exclaimed, running up to him and throwing myself in his arms. Orchid was at work, which was why I felt so light about seeing him. I hadn’t had to lie to her to get out of the house. Even though happiness was washing over me in waves at being in his arms, a little voice in the back of my head told me it couldn’t go on like this. If I had to lie about it, didn’t that make it wrong?

“Hey cutie!” He greeted me with a little chuckle and I nuzzled into his neck, blushing at the compliment. One might think that I would be used to it by now, but I wasn’t. I don’t know if I would ever get used to it.

He placed me gently on the ground, and we just enjoyed be around each other for awhile. It had been a good week since we’d last met up, because sometimes the guilt of lying to Orchid overwhelmed me and I had to take a break from it. More than once I’ve sat down next to her on the couch with the intention to tell her, only to fall short when I thought of how angry she would be.

“I missed you, I’m glad you finally decided to come and see me.” His bottom lip was poked out, but I was never able to tell if he really minded.

“I’m sorry, but you know it is.” I really couldn’t stand lying to more than one important person in my life, so I’d come clean to Mulberry about Orchid’s feelings over him.

“I guess, but I still don’t understand. She’s been your friend since you were practically a baby, if she let something like this ruin your friendship… Maybe she isn’t the friend you thought she was…” I stiffened, and suddenly felt sadness choking me. I looked away from him, I didn’t want to hear any more. He just didn’t understand… He… Had to be wrong… He had… To…

 Suddenly I felt a gentle hand on my arm, “Moon?” 

His voice was questioning, it sounded a little guilty. I looked up at him, only to see his face a little closer than it had ever been. I had half a second to decide, would I kiss him? Suddenly, I felt his lips against mine. They were soft, gentle, I relaxed, closed my eyes, and kissed him back a little. Sadness and confusion over what he’d just said were still choking me. I didn’t know what to do. How could I defend my friendship when what he said was so painstakingly true?

 I broke the kiss, and he rested his forehead again mine, wrapping his arms around my waste and pulling me close to him. “I’m sorry I made you sad..” For once, I was certain of what he was feeling. He really was sorry.

“It’s alright.” I murmured, and before I really knew what was  happening.. I was pressing my lips against his.

 I guess that was when things started to get a little out of hand. Something similar to a low growl emitted from his throat, and he pressed his lips against mine much harder than before. For a second, I was terrified.. But then, it was like my body took over, while my brain took a backseat to try and figure things out. Strange feelings were pulsing through me as I tightened my grip on him and kissed him back as forcefully as he was kissing me. But that didn’t seem to satisfy him, and it didn’t really satisfy me either. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was feeling or what I wanted, but it wasn’t just a kiss.

 The next thing I knew, he was lowering me to the ground. He did it slowly, he gave me every chance in the world to say no. But the feelings pulsing through my body were screaming at me to allow it, to let it happen. And I did for awhile, I was laying on the ground, he broke the kiss, both of us were breathing hard. I opened my eyes, he was lowering his face to mine. I knew that if I didn’t stop it now, it wasn’t going to stop.

“No..” The word was whispered, but he’d never exactly been hard of hearing. He grunted like he didn’t want to hear it, but he was backing up.

“What?” His voice was rough, I could tell he wanted the thing that my body was screaming for desperately. He didn’t want me to make him stop, but he had resigned to the fact that I was going to.

“We can’t do that, I don’t want to.” My mind was starting to clear, and I sat up, moving him off  of me a bit. I felt my cheeks burning, I didn’t want to think about the terrible thing I had just done. How could a kiss a guy like that when he wasn’t even my boyfriend? I scrambled up off of the ground and stood there awkwardly.

 He sat on the ground for a bit longer, shifting uncomfortably and staring at his hands. I didn’t know what he was doing, but I was sure he was angry at me. I’d pretty much led him on, I should have stopped it a lot sooner than I did. The guilt I was feeling over what had just happened was almost too much for me take. In fact, I was so absorbed in my guilt that I jumped when he grabbed my hand.

“Moon?” I didn’t respond, I just looked at the ground. I wanted to blame him, but the fact was that he stopped when I told him to.. And he would have at any point. “I…I didn’t…” For once he seemed at a loss for words, “I thought you wanted…” He trailed off, and I finally forced myself to look at him. He looked as guilty as I felt.

“It was my fault,” I watched as his shoulders sagged, he was clearly relieved that he wasn’t at fault. “I should have made you stop sooner, I mean, it’s just wrong for us to do that since we’re only friends.” I looked up at him, feeling a little desperate. I wanted him to understand, but he just looked confused.

“What do you mean we’re ‘just friends’?” His voice sounded hurt and angry, but I couldn’t stop a smile from appearing on my face.

 He smiled back a bit, clearly his anger had dissipated.

“What?”

“I just thought that… Since you never asked… We were just friends…” I felt a little stupid, I really didn’t know how this stuff worked.

He laughed, and that just made me feel more stupid. “Moon, we aren’t in high school. Surely the way we’re acting makes us boyfriend and girlfriend?”

I looked down, “I just don’t know about a lot of this stuff…”

I felt him studying me, “Fine, Moon, will you be my girlfriend?”

I grinned up at him and nodded.

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 That night when I got home, I felt like I was walking on clouds. Mulberry and I were an official couple, and he’d actually considered us one for longer. Maybe that was why, when Orchid asked me to go out with her, I didn’t even try to protest. A night out on the town sounded great!

We stood arm in arm, staring out over the dance floor. Both of us were on our fourth drink, and were feeling pretty tipsy. Since high school, neither of us had drank a lot, so we didn’t have much of a tolerance built up at all.

 And by our fifth drink, Orchid was completely losing it. She was stumbling around and giggling, normally I would think this was annoying.. But since I was feeling even lighter than I had after my date with Mulberry.. Well, I giggled right alongside her.

 Then before I knew it, we were stumbling on the dance floor together, falling over each other like fools. My legs felt like jelly, my head was spinning, more than once I fell down completely.. But to me it was delightful. I hadn’t been this drunk in a very very long time, and it was nice.

 Things seemed to be happening in patches. One minute was sitting on the dance floor laughing, the next Orchid was dragging me toward the stairs. I was too drunk to really fight it, to really care. I was happy with Orchid, I was happy just hanging out with her, not worrying about keeping secrets from her.

 I didn’t remember going up the stairs, or sitting down on the sectional. I looked around, I felt confused until my eyes rested on Orchid. Oh yeah, I was with Orchid. I would be safe, she wouldn’t let anything bad happen to me. I smiled blearily at her, but her eyes were glazed with tears. Somewhere in my drunken haze, I knew something was wrong.

“Wassamatta?” I slurred, and then giggled at how I sounded.

“Why have you been lying to me?” Orchid was sniffling at this point, tears were running down her cheeks. I felt like a cold bucket of water had been thrown over me, and I just stared at her.

“What do you mean?” I could still feel the tingling of the alcohol in my system, but my mind was clearing.. Bad things were happening.

“The other day I went to Lily’s looking for you because you’ve been acting so funny lately. I couldn’t understand why you wanted to be with her and not me, but when I got there she said she hadn’t seen you months…” Orchid was still crying a bit, and I knew I should feel bad, but at that moment all I could feel was anger.

 I stood up, feeling wobbly, angry, and dirty. How could she? How dare she? Why would she do that? I felt her staring up at me, I could still hear her sniffling.. But I didn’t care. It wasn’t like me to get angry over things I knew were my fault, but the alcohol said differently. It said that Orchid should keep her stupid nose out of my business, and that I could do whatever the berry I wanted. I started to walk away, but she stood up quickly and blocked my path.

“Get out of my way!” My voice was louder than I’d ever heard it, I wasn’t normally one for screaming.

“No! Tell me where you’ve really been!” She wasn’t angry, her voice was pleading.

I stood there for a moment and looked at her, “That’s none of your business.”

 It was at that point that Orchid started to get angry with me. I watched as her face contorted with rage, she was clearly tired of dealing with me.

“What the berry-fudge do you mean it isn’t any of my business!” She was screaming at me, but I didn’t back down. “I think it’s all of my business when my best friend is doing something she has to lie to me about! We never lie to each other! Has it never occurred to you that if you have to lie about seeing him its wrong?” Her voice had gotten shriller as she went on, but her last sentence caused my rage to boil over.

“HAVE YOU BEEN SPYING ON ME?” My voice was more shrill than hers at this point, I felt my fist ball up, all I wanted to do was punch her in the face.

 Suddenly, it was like her anger was completely gone. “I was just so worried…” She mumbled feebly. “Please don’t me so mad at me Moony, please!”

She opened her mouth to speak again, but I was beyond gone at this point. I shoved her out of my way and took off running, I didn’t want to hear it.

 “Moon! Please!” I heard her calling after me, but I ignored her. I just wanted to go home. I just wanted it all to be a bad dream…

 To be honest,  I don’t even know how I made it home that night. I stumbled down the stairs, the bartender stared at me, but I was out the door before he could stop me. I couldn’t take being anywhere near her. Everything went black after I made it out of the bar, and then the next thing I knew I was laying on my bed. I didn’t know what time it was, I just knew that Orchid wasn’t home. I’d never felt so shitty in my life. The more sober I became, the more my heart hurt. The more the words we exchanged stabbed my conscious, the more I realized that I had been so wrong. Finally, I couldn’t fight it anymore. Sobs racked my body, and then I drifted into a fitful sleep…