1.9

Things really didn't get any better after I gave Mulberry the "happy" news. He constantly ignored me, even if we were in the same room. Most of the time he wouldn't even sleep in the bed with me. My heart felt injured and hurt, but I couldn't bring myself to tell anyone. Orchid, Lily, and Rosee checked in on me almost daily, and I found myself lying and telling them I was okay. I guess saying it out loud just made it more real.

My doctor said my stress levels were too high, I wasn't eating like I should, I wasn't gaining a normal amount of weight. I tried my best to keep myself calm by taking baths and meditating, but nothing seemed to work. How could I be happy when the man who was supposed to love me didn't want our future child?

I was getting so tired of being ignored and rejected. I felt like everything was falling apart all around me and all I could do was sit and watch.

I suppose the reason I stopped him on his way to the garage was because I was desperate. I'd tried talking to him, but he just stepped around me and ignored me. This time I placed myself where if he wanted to get around me, he would have to physically move me. Mulberry had never done anything to suggest he would physically harm me, that's why I wasn't scared to attempt this.

"Listen, Mulberry, we've really got to talk..."

He just stared blankly at my shoulder. He'd been acting so strange, almost like he wasn't there anymore. He seemed to be fighting some battle that only he knew about. Everything in his head was a mystery to me. I didn't know much about his childhood, he said he didn't feel comfortable talking about it. Sometimes I wondered if I knew more about his childhood, I could figure out why all of this was happening.

I tried to smile at him, "Please talk to me, Mulberry, please tell me why you're doing this to me! It isn't all my fault, you know!" My voice was really high pitched, desperate. All I wanted was for things to be normal.

"Just drop it, Moon." His voice was distant, he still wasn't looking at me. 

"How can I just drop it?! Mulberry this isn't something that's going away!" He didn't respond, he just stood there dully, staring into space. "I'm so worried about you!"

These words seemed to pull him from his reverie, but when he looked at me, it wasn't with the emotion that I was hoping. His face was contorted with rage. I didn't understand what I had done wrong.

“Look, Moon, I don’t need you to be worried about me!”

I threw up my hands defensively, my heart dropping. All I wanted to know was why he was behaving like this. Why was everything so bad all of a sudden? I frowned, but I wasn’t going to back down this time like I always did. I was determined to know why he was treating me like this.

“I know something is wrong, just tell me!” I wasn’t normally one for yelling, but my voice was definitely a lot louder than it normally was. This wasn’t fair, I shouldn’t have to be going through this. A quick look at Mulberry’s face told me I’d made the wrong decision in yelling back.

 An angry frown pulled at his features, and he took a step back from me. I cringed. I hated this, I hated fighting. Why couldn't things be happy?

"Just leave me alone! I don't want to hear about how all of this is my fault and about how much you're worried about me! Please, just drop and leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with that!" He gestured toward my stomach, and my heart hurt even more.

My shoulders slumped, and I closed my eyes against the burning sting of tears. His words rang in my ears, and when I opened my eyes again he was still staring at me. I pushed past him and ran up the stairs. This was like a horrible nightmare that I would never wake up from.

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A few months later, we converted the smallest room upstairs into a nursery. Mulberry was detached, and the only reason he helped was because my friends and dad were there. I guess he didn't want anyone to know either.

I really loved the nursery. It was small and simple, but it was also cozy.

Once everyone had left, Mulberry stood in the room and looked around for awhile. After our fight, he avoided me even more, and he seemed more distant than ever. It was so frustrating and heartbreaking. I watched as his eyes fell on the crib, he grunted and left the room.

I curled up in the chair in the corner. I didn't cry anymore, I suffered in silence. No one could ever know. I would raise the baby the best I could, try to keep it happy and be the best mom in the world. I had to make up for Mulberry.

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 I was eight and half months along, and at home alone like usual. Mulberry stayed gone most of the time now, even though my doctor told me I shouldn't be alone anymore. High stress levels had caused the risk of my pregnancy to raise through the roof, not to mention that the baby was a pound underweight.. Which only caused me to feel even more stressed. I tried to eat as much as I couldn't, but the food felt dry in my mouth.

Just as I set the ingredients down on the counter, horrible pains started ripping across my abdomen. I'd felt slightly uncomfortable all day, but I couldn't really ask Mulberry to stay. Maybe I could, and maybe he would have, but I just didn't want another fight. I felt water running down my legs, the pains were so bad I could barely think straight. I stumbled backward.

I leaned against the counters, my breathing was heavy. This shouldn't be happening, everything was going black. Nothing was making sense...